PASSIONATE FRIENDSHIP

translated from Russian

I did not want to live with her, and I surely did not want to marry her either. Yet thatÕs what Jill wanted. The minimum but essential effect of marriage or cohabitation which she was impatiently awaiting, was ÒSo that somebody will be waiting for me at home.Ó There is a lot of logic in this desire and I sympathize with it because I wouldnÕt mind living with a woman Ð though she would be completely different than Jill. I would like to come home to a stone house on the seashore, where a beautiful woman, like Jill, would not only have a wonderful dinner ready (unlike Jill who hates to cook) but would also greet me warmly. The house would be neat and the woman would serve me, happily gazing into my eyes.
Life with Jill would always be in a messy, cheap apartment. We would eat microwavable dinners, her mood would swing ten times a day, and fucking Ð the main joy of our long relationship Ð would turn into one-time quickies. No, she was not fit to be a wife, and I was, probably, not fit to be a husband. I strongly upheld my poor prospects as a husband so that JillÕs dignity would not be hurt. If a man told a woman that she would not make it as a ballet dancer, she could accept that, without hard feelings. But God save a man from telling a woman that she would not make a good wife! The talent a woman needs to be a successful wife is far greater than that needed by a ballet dance; to tell a woman that she canÕt fill this job is the most painful way a man can hurt a female.
Eventually, with any woman, the relationship reaches the point where no amount of attention nor magnificent gifts will cure her of her frustrating and irritable desire for marriage. For women, the only completely serious proof of love is marriage, and with this, she harbors a secret wish for victory over the resisting lover.
Every month JillÕs unhappiness grew. After several orgasms (fortunately after, because if we began talking prior to fucking there would be no fucking Ð thus no orgasms) the inevitable conversation was beginning about futility of our relationship. Her mood was becoming dark. I quickly dressed and left. With great relief and happiness I rushed home and congratulated myself on my new victory. When a man fucks a woman without money and without moving toward marriage, a battle won. Indeed, a woman in the depth of her heart despises a man who marries her because marriage, for a man, is an act of weakness. When he marries, a man yields to the demands of society instead of following his own desires. If the man does not marry the woman, she begins to hate him, and if he does marry her, she despises him. As we know, loving is much closer to hating then it is to despising.
I advised Jill, in a friendly way, to look for a man who would fulfill her marriage dreams, and that while looking for him, I suggested she should continue fucking me. It was sweet with her, and I confess that I didnÕt look forward to the day I would be without her but it was actually frightening to imagine that one day she may be the only woman I was with. Our original relationship was based on assumed monogamy, just as Jill wanted it. I soon began suggesting to her that monogamy and faithfulness do not necessarily prove love. These days everyone admits adulteries bloom in their fantasies like flowers in the tropics. The task of a society is to prevent these fantasies from becoming reality. And, since there are such fantasies and desires, wouldnÕt it be most natural thing to attempt to satisfy it for the one you love? The true love tends to destroy monogamy because monogamy contradicts the fantasies of lovers and thus inhibits their sex life. If you demand faithfulness from your partner, it is egotism. If you force yourself to be faithful, it is self-torture. True monogamy is put in a man by nature. For example, with true monogamy, if a dozen naked women are put in front of you, you will simply select the woman you want to come into. This presents the singularity of a woman, because you canÕt come simultaneously in several; this is the true essence of monogamy.
In response to my theory Jill tried to demolish me with the word ÒcynicÓ. Women hate cynicism, I thought silently, because with its help, a man manages to avoid marriage.
Jill was awfully jealous. She was in rage just thinking, that I might copulate with someone else. As for me, when I imagined her sleeping with someone, it didnÕt worry me Ð the main thing was that she must be ready to spread her legs any time I wished. I did not care what she did when I wasnÕt with her. Furthermore I felt unexpected admiration when I thought of her with another man. I imagined watching her from a distance, the pleasure she enjoys, the familiar movements of hips, craving for orgasm. I experienced great justifiable pleasure from these fantasies. In psychoanalytic annals such feelings are diagnosed as latent homosexuality. Let them make this diagnosis while I enjoy myself!
Jill constantly suspected that I was unfaithful Ð not without reason. Although I always slept with her when she wanted it, I also had at least one more lover. Women demand faithfulness because it is easier to control a partner by blackmailing him when he becomes dependent on only one cunt.
The most torturing feeling Jill experienced (as many women do) was when she assumed that I just wanted to fuck her. Women feel unhappy either when nobody wants to fuck them, or when men want only to fuck them.
Nothing would dispel JillÕs feelings; neither my faultless assistance in her day to day chores, nor our mutual interest in art and our successfully working together in this field. Nothing convinced her that my interest in her beyond her genitals. Jill would only accept marriage as my proof of love for her.
Once it became absolutely clear to Jill that I would not marry her, she began, with my provocation, to terminate our relationship, to be free for another man. It is customary that when a woman starts to copulate with someone else, in her mind she feels it is unfair to continue fucking her previous lover. Jill wanted to be fair. As for me, I told her that I was not jealous, that I was still her friend, and that I wished her the best, including her sexual pleasure even if not with me. The important thing for me was that she stop perceiving me as a potential husband. I want to say to a chick, ÒSit on my cock, but stay off my back.Ó
Relationship between lovers involve the womanÕs growing demands on a man which leading to the ultimate demand of marriage. Yet, as always in times past, this demand, even when she gets what he wants, ends up creating nothing but shit. WomanÕs feelings are not controlled by love, because when you love, only one desire exists Ð to be with the one you love under any conditions. If her growing demands are not met, she will decisively trash this ÒloveÓ which is not working.
We began seeing each other once a week instead of several times so that she had time for her search. I questioned her about her adventures. At first Jill was too embarrassed to describe them to me, but as time went on she began to tell me of her search. When she saw that I was erotically inquiring and not pained by her stories, she completely loosened up. A woman feels as much shame as a lover allows her.
At first it seemed there was nothing much to tell Ð the guys were not interesting at all and nothing went further then kissing. Eventually Jill told me that she had met Ted, a wealthy man of forty five. He treated her remarkably well and after several dates they made plans to move in together within a few weeks. They also began to talk about getting married in the near future.
ÒSomething I could not get from you for years, IÕve got from him in two weeksÓ said she victoriously, ÒI had zero confidence in myself and now it has gone to incredible heights.Ó Ted sent her cards, flowers, gifts and other signs of affection at work. ÒHe tries very hardÓ Jill says with cold observation concerning the feelings of the victim falling into the trap of a cunt.
ÒWell, what kind of lover is he?Ó I ask.
Here Jill hesitated, ÒIt is so odd to talk about it with you...Ó
ÒDonÕt be embarrassed, I canÕt be indifferent to whether or not my girl is satisfied. Did you come with him?Ó
I knew that she has a hard time coming with a new man, that she has to adjust, to adapt to him. A man moves from orgasm to comfort but a woman Ð from comfort to orgasm. Poor women Ð one can come only on the back, another, only on the stomach, the third, only laying on her side and so on. A man however can come if he is upside down, or even while running Ð and all that with no effort at all.
ÒNo, I have not come yet,Ó confessed Jill.
ÒBut does he know what to do?Ó
ÒI have not figure that out yet. We have been together just three times and the first two times I was totally drunk.Ó
ÒNow do you understand why it has been considered indecent for a woman to get drunk?Ó I asked.
ÒWhy?Ó she said.
ÒBecause it is difficult for a drunk woman to come. So men who wanted to save their efforts established moral norms convenient for themselves.Ó Jill went on with my thought, ÒAnd for the same reason it is masculine for a man to drink because when he had enough liquor he gets a hard on and can not come.Ó
ÒYou see, how smart you are Ð you understand everything. However, we know that this law did not work with Ted. LetÕs get together, I bet you are horny and you will tell me everything in detail. Are you busy tonight?Ó
ÒNo, I am not busy. Yes, I want to get together with you; Ted and I didnÕt promise anything to each other, and there is no commitment,Ó Jill said to justify copulation with me.
Awaiting our date, I felt extreme excitement and desire. The reason for this was my knowledge that another man fucks her, and she cannot come with him, then she is full of sexual tension in spite of masturbation which IÕm sure she used to release this tension. I imagined her so clearly with opened legs, pressing TedÕs ass to herself, making her favorite movements with hips, pushing her tongue into his mouth as she does it with me. I heard her moans getting louder and then when his orgasm ripened too soon, I saw JillÕs face become frustrated and mean. I never saw her with such a face while we were in bed together, but I saw it too much often during our conversations about our future, or rather the absence of our future.
At last this Ted falls away, helpless and powerless, and I am rushing toward her following fresh, wet traces of love. Jill, with excitement, grabs my cheeks and rhythmically presses her clitoris to the base of my prick. I feel special wetness in her vagina because of the sperm of a man who has accomplished his job and who is sitting and watching us Ð he learns. At last I feel how Jill stiffens, she stretches as a string, and with moan of relief starts pushing her hips indicating the conquered peak. I come, and she presses me close with all her force. I donÕt pull out my prick, but stay inside until convulsions of walls slow until the pulsating becomes less and less, and finally stops. As Jill opens her eyes, grateful happiness shines. Then I slide out and my spermatozoa continue the fight with other manÕs spermatozoa; if they win, this would be PirrÕs victory because Jill is on the pill.
I find myself in front of JillÕs house. She opens the front door with embarrassment on her face Ð this is the first time we have been together with knowledge that we both have lovers. I told her about my lover to make her jealous. Jill has the brain of a maniac. If you present her with a threatening thought, she will endlessly build fantasies around it. This will send her spinning in the a circle of Òmaniac ideasÓ which cause her great pain and doubt. She is unable to jump out of this circle until there is a new thought which she grabs.
I walked through her door, and having been deprived of her faithfulness, rushed onto her body Ð lips, neck, ears, breast, belly, and everything below. Our passion was stronger than when we first met. When we were first together there was the stress of learning each other, the trials and errors of bringing pleasure to each other. This had the aftertaste of diffidence, doubt in how right our caresses had been. Now after so many years, we knew for sure what we needed and our movements and caresses were precise, right to the point, and brought extreme pleasures. We threw aside our clothes and lay in the smelly mixture of caresses. Her anus was particular sensitive, and I paid touching attention to it. This is the advantage of the length of our liaison, which I wanted to preserve disregarding any new lovers, either hers and mine. At first Jill did not accept this idea, but now she appreciated it as well.
As we rested, she told me that during the first copulation with Ted, he entered her ass. This encouraged Jill as a promise of sophistication in love. A little later he sensed that there was something wrong, so he pulled out and moved into her vagina. (ÒHe even did not wash his cock! This infuriates me. He will give her germs!Ó) Never again did he show any interest to her anus. Obviously to have anal intercourse the first time you are with a woman you must be like de Sade with domineering anal inclinations. Thus, I made a profound conclusion, and Jill, grinning agreed with it: she had thrown her legs up too high, and Ted missed and pushed in her anus. Fortunately it is so worn out that it is easy to get in. Ted came fast without taking care of Jill and fell asleep.
They had four whole dates prior to going to bed. On the fourth date they talked for three hours in her apartment. He concluded the conversation with a hopeful statement that they would begin sexual relationship very soon. At this point, to JillÕs great disappointment, he got up and left. On their next date Jill took control and they ended up in bed. However, to accomplish this she had to drink a great deal.
At this point, I carelessly throw into conversation that my new, 28 years old, who is married and has a child, experienced an her first orgasm with me and that now she is desperate to copulate with me day and night, preferably non-stop. I see Jill smiling, but her smile is painfully wry. I see how this thought thrown at her has caught fire in her imagination and is rushing through her brain. I pore oil on the fire by saying that my lover had been so innocent that she thought she was experiencing an orgasm when she was merely getting wet. Jill laughs with trembling lips.
After our talk, we entertain each other for the fourth time. Ted comes only once a night and even does not even make an attempt in the morning Ð he jumps up from the bed and rushes into the shower. Jill asked Ted if he comes more then once a night. He did not say ÒyesÓ or ÒnoÓ but started beating around the bush saying that time must pass and that they will soon adjust to each other. When he does came and Jill does not, he tells her than she is resisting him and it is her fault that she does not come.
ÒWell he isnÕt a stud, is he,Ó I noted with consolation.
In a business-like and yet dreaming manner, Jill said ÒIf I did come with him, then it would be possible to develop relationship. At this point I have no desire to put any effort into it.Ó
Now with only a little nudging on my part she tells me all the details turning both of us on. She says that TedÕs prick is perfectly smooth, silky, not like mine which is bumpy. It is easier for her to have his in her mouth but in other orifices, bumpiness helps. ÒNo wonder,Ó I explain to her, Òhe hardly used his prick, therefore itÕs almost brand new and my prick has been doing hard work so long it is covered with calluses.Ó
Ted, while fucking, tends to lift JillÕs legs up, whereas she can only climax when she puts her legs down and stretches them. When she would put her legs down, Ted thought that she did not want any more and came with his conscience clear. He was unable to solve this paradox Ð that the position allowing the best accessibility to women, legs spread widely and knees bent, is not necessarily the position which allows a woman the greatest delight.
The phone rings. Jill does not want to pick it up. The answering machine kicks in. She always listened to it in my presence thus demonstrating that no man would call her with incriminating words. Indeed there had been only girlfriends or business calls on the machine. Now she does not hide that she has another lover. The voice on the answering machine says: ÒJill, this is Ted. I am very anxious to see you. IÕll call you every half hour.Ó
We both freeze our movements, listening to TedÕs timely message. Understandingly we smile at each other and continue our movement toward orgasm, which comes first to Jill and then to me. After this time together, it will be difficult for her to come with Ted. I have no doubt that she will invite him over after I leave Ð I want her to invite him. Let her think of me and try in vain to come with Ted!
I get up and put on my clothes. Jill begins to make her bed, something she never did before prior to my leaving. This means she will definitely invite Ted, and that he will have no suspicion, she must not leave the bed undone.
When we part Jill says in a teasing way, ÒHave a happy fuck!Ó and I reply, ÒYou too. Invite Ted and fuck him.Ó I support her intention with a sincere and well-wishing voice. Let her feel my friendly care, so that their liaison be preserved, so that Ted will marry her and Jill will get all that was under-supplied by me Ð a man awaiting her at home.

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